Stacy Tessler Lindau and Natalia Gavrilova of the University of Chicago analyzed data about health and sexual activity collected by two nationally representative surveys. The surveys involved 3,032 adults aged 25 to 74 and 3,005 adults aged 57 to 85 between 1995 and 2006.

Men were more likely than women to be sexually active, report a good quality sex life and be interested in sex, the researchers said in a paper published online by a British medical journal called BMJ. Those gender differences increased with age and were greatest among those aged 75 to 85. In that group, nearly 39 percent of men but less than 17 percent of women were sexually active and nearly 71 percent of men and less than 51 percent of women who were sexually active reported having a good quality sex life.

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The Checkup – Maintaining a sex life.

The built-in “marriage penalty” in both House and Senate healthcare bills has received scant attention. But for scores of low-income and middle-income couples, it could mean a hike of $2,000 or more in annual insurance premiums the moment they say “I do.”

The disparity comes about in part because subsidies for purchasing health insurance under the plan from congressional Democrats are pegged to federal poverty guidelines. That has the effect of limiting subsidies for married couples with a combined income, compared to if the individuals are single.

People who get their health insurance through an employer wouldn't be affected. Only people that buy subsidized insurance through new exchanges set up by the legislation stand to be impacted. About 17 million people would receive such subsidies in 2016 under the House plan, the Congressional Budget Office estimates.

The bills cap the annual amount people making less than 400% of the federal poverty level must pay for health insurance premiums, ranging from 1.5% of income for the poorest to 11% at the top end, under the House plan.

For an unmarried couple with income of $25,000 each, combined premiums would be capped at $3,076 per year, under the House bill. If the couple gets married, with a combined income of $50,000, their annual premium cap jumps to $5,160 — a “penalty” of $2,084. Those figures were included in a memo prepared by House Republican staff.

The disparity is slightly smaller in the Senate version of health-care legislation, chiefly because premium subsidies in the House bill are more targeted towards low-wage earner

FOR CONTINUATION OF THIS ARTICLE, CLICK THIS LINK FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL: Married Couples Pay More Than Unmarried Under Health Bill – WSJ.com.

Text messages are the new lipstick on the collar, the mislaid credit card bill. Instantaneous and seemingly casual, they can be confirmation of a clandestine affair, a record of the not-so-discreet who sometimes forget that everything digital leaves a footprint.

This became painfully obvious a week ago when a woman who claims to have had an affair with Tiger Woods told a celebrity publication that he had sent her flirty text messages, some of which were published. It follows on the heels of politicians who ran afoul of text I.Q., including a former Detroit mayor who went to prison after his steamy text messages to an aide were revealed, and Senator John Ensign of Nevada, whose affair with a former employee was confirmed by an incriminating text message.

FOR CONTINUATION OF THIS STORY, CLICK THE FOLLOWING LINK FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES:   Text Messages – Digital Lipstick on the Collar – NYTimes.com.

But recently, more than two decades after the divorce, Ms. Taylor, 64, told a Massachusetts judge she had no job, retirement savings or health insurance. Earlier this year, the judge ordered Mr. Taylor, now 68 and remarried, to pay $400 per week to support his ex-wife.

“This is insane,” Mr. Taylor says, adding that the payments cut his after-tax pension by more than one-third. “Someone can just come back 25 years later and say, ‘My life went down the toilet, and you’re doing good—so now I want some of your money’?”

The nature of marriage has changed dramatically over the decades. Women now make up almost half of the American work force. But alimony, a concept enshrined in ancient law, has remained remarkably constant. Now, the idea that a husband should continue to support his wife forever, even after the demise of their marriage—long a bedrock of divorce law—is being called into question. Pressures are mounting to change a practice that some see as outdated and unfair.

FOR CONTINUATION OF THIS STORY, CLICK THIS LINK FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL:   The New Art of Alimony – WSJ.com.

My husband, Greg, and I sure felt a big shift. After our two girls were born, our otherwise strong marriage faced more than a few battles — and a lot of just plain neglect. Like most new parents, we were engrossed in taking care of our daughters’ everyday needs.

Finding time to feed, bathe, and play with them between our work schedules was challenging enough. Hanging out as a couple wasn’t even on the to-do list.

But there was more to it than time management. There were the routine squabbles about everything from how to discipline the girls to our own expectations — and disappointments — about our postbaby selves. I wasn’t fun-loving enough anymore; he was watching too much TV and talking to me too little.

Through it all, the nagging question remained: How could we nurture our marriage — the relationship that created these beautiful children to begin with — and still manage to be good parents? It often felt like an impossible balancing act.

It happens to the best of us

Many couples do exactly what Greg and I did, says Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D., author of “Happily Married with Kids: It’s Not Just a Fairy Tale” and a mom of two. We give plenty of attention to our children and not nearly enough to each other. And over time, that shift in focus can start to hurt even the most solid relationships.

The irony is that a strong relationship with your partner is one of the best things you can do for your kids,” Lindquist says. “You and your husband are modeling a good relationship, which sets your children up for better marriages themselves when they grow up.”

Sounds ideal — but tough. First of all, we’re just more tired. Who’s got the energy to be romantic — heck, to even hold a conversation for more than five minutes — after spending a day at the beck and call of a baby?

And then there’s all that unabashed baby love. More than one doe-eyed mom I know has sheepishly admitted that, for a while, she loved her new baby more than her husband. Parenting.com: Why warm and cuddly trumps hot and heavy

“After Nicholas was born, I suddenly had two important men in my life — my husband and my son,” says Jennifer Maldonado of Tualatin, Oregon. “I was focusing all of my energy on being a mom. And for a while, my husband and I were just acting like roommates who happened to share responsibility for this new little person.”

Pointers for a strong partnership

How can you keep a focus on your marriage when most of your time and energy is devoted to your kids? “Try to treat your relationship with your partner as the one that’s most important in your life — even more than the one with your children — and the whole family will benefit from it,” says John Rosemond, a family psychologist and author of “John Rosemond’s New Parent Power.”

Sounds harsh to put your baby second? Rosemond says he isn’t suggesting that parents forget about their kids’ needs, and he admits that there will be some natural relationship neglect during the first years of your child’s life. But, he says, it’s actually pretty easy for you to do small things that will convey to each other — and to the kids — how much you value your relationship. Parenting.com: How a hospital stay rekindled one couple’s romance

Grtchen Roberts and her husband, Derek, of Fort Wayne, Indiana, want their 2-year-old daughter to know that they’re not always going to drop everything when she wants their attention.

“We don’t let her demands interrupt our conversations if they’re not pressing,” says Gretchen. “As she gets older, she’ll be able to participate more. But in the meantime she’s learning that, with a few exceptions, she has to listen and wait her turn to talk.”

Create warm welcomes

Sure, you hug your kids and pet your dog every day. But do you greet your husband with the same enthusiasm? Once in a while, kiss and hug as if one of you is going away and you aren’t going to see each other for a week. Let the kids giggle: This kind of affection reassures them that you’re close to each other, as well as to them.

Try 20-minute reconnects

You don’t need a whole weekend away or even a regular “date night” to keep the spark alive. Dov and Chana Heller, both Beverly Hills-based marriage therapists and the parents of five, take short walks alone to catch up when they can.

Another option: Pair up to chauffeur the kids to daycare or pick them up from an activity, and use the kid-free portion of the commute or waiting time to chat.

Set early bedtimes

“When my kids were young, everyone went to bed by eight-thirty every night, no exceptions,” says Mary Anne Koski of Lake Oswego, Oregon. She and her husband, Kent, raised nine kids, and the only time they got to spend alone was at the end of the day.

“The kids didn’t have to be asleep, but they had to be in their rooms and out of our hair. That way, we made sure we got a chance to talk.”

Share the load

Chore time can also be prime couple time. After putting their daughter to bed each night at 7:30, Jessica Boulris and her husband, Brad, of Pawtucket, Rhode Island, turn off the TV and listen to music while they make lunches for the following day, iron clothes, or fold laundry.

There’s an added benefit to this kind of couple time: “Because we’re helping each other get stuff done, there’s no resentment about who does more,” says Jessica.

Encourage your kids’ independence

When children learn to entertain themselves (quietly, we hope) for short periods of time, it means less time you have to spend as your tot’s activity director and more time for yourself and your husband. Now that our oldest daughter, Sophie, can pour bowls of cereal and milk for herself and her sister, Flora, Greg and I are able to get an extra ten minutes in bed on weekend mornings.

Revive your past

Has your couple-time routine become, well, routine? Ask yourself, “What did we used to have fun doing together?” Whether it’s listening to live jazz or playing miniature golf, try it again.

“A lot of times those activities have leftover magic in them,” says Lindquist. “They can help you remember who you were as a couple before you became parents.”

Put sex on your schedules

Sounds a bit unspontaneous –and it is. But it’s often the only practical way to make sure you keep your intimate relationship on your to-do list. “It’s perfectly okay to agree, ‘Tuesday night is gonna be our night,’” says Chana Heller. “We all like to look forward to good things.”

Fight as if the neighbors can hear you

Loud bickering is insulting, says Lindquist, and can zap the intimacy out of any marriage quickly. Throwing verbal low-blows back and forth in front of the kids also shows them you don’t respect each other. (Do this often and don’t be surprised if your preschooler talks to you in a similarly disrespectful way when you’re having a battle.)

Remember: Dad’s way works, too

Most of us have criticized our husbands for not feeding or dressing our kids exactly as we would do it. “But this can make dad feel more like a parenting aide than an equal partner,” says Rosemond. And if he doesn’t think you trust him to take care of your kids as well as you do, resentment can build.

However, says Rosemond, men should guard against the temptation to skirt the demands of parenting by fleeing to work, the garage, or the couch in front of the TV.

Be a cheap date

You already know that a date with your husband can reignite that spark in your relationship — but keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie. If you both work, meeting for lunch while the kids are in daycare can be just as fun as dinner at the same restaurant.

Colleen Langenfeld of Monument, Colorado, and her husband actually prefer a “date night” at home, rather than out. They rent a movie, put their two boys to bed, and pop a few frozen dinners in the microwave so nobody has to cook.

FOR CONTINUATION OF THIS STORY, CLICK THE LINK FOR PARENTING MAGAZINE:  How to save your marriage from your kids.

Article by Teri Cettina for www.parenting.com

They don’t want to sell their home, in Huntsville, Ala., in a down market. They can’t afford two households until Ms. Brewster finds steady work. So for now, they are living under the same roof but on separate floors.

The “kids are OK with it.” says Ms. Brewster, a 39-year-old freelance writer and stay-at-home mother. “They just know that mommy lives upstairs and daddy lives in the basement.”

Unwinding the ties of matrimony is rarely simple or inexpensive, but for many couples, the sour economy is complicating the process further.

Divorce lawyers say many couples are delaying the decision to dissolve marriages and are staying in unpleasant situations for fear of being on their own at a time of economic uncertainty. Others are being forced to live together after the divorce is final for financial convenience. That can strain the emotions and result in awkward negotiations about subjects like dating.

In Nashville, Tenn., Randy and Lori Word jointly filed for divorce in February, after 10 years of marriage, and expect to get a court date this summer. Meanwhile, they continue to share a house while Ms. Word — who had been a stay-at-home mother in recent years — tries to find work in marketing. “I don’t see jobs out there,” she says.

Things are getting a little cramped in the house. Mr. Word, a 36-year-old construction-project manager, keeps his clothes in boxes in the study and sleeps in the living room. “Luckily, we bought a very nice couch two years ago,” he says.

Ms. Word, who is 37, works part time as a waitress while she is searching for full-time work. Some nights she returns home from a shift to find Mr. Word in the bed complaining that his back can’t take another night on the couch — and asking her to please sleep in the living room, which she does.

Both say they are actually getting along better now that they are no longer in an emotional marital relationship.

“We’re a lot kinder to each other,” says Ms. Word, adding, “We’re not so offended and bothered by each other.” Mr. Word says, “We’ve actually developed or redeveloped a friendship that I think had gotten lost a little bit.”

A May survey by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, a national organization for financial professionals who work on divorce cases, found that the recession was delaying divorces, and inspiring “creative divorce solutions” in living arrangements.

“People are saying, ‘I’ve put up with it for the last 10 years, I can put up with it for another year,’” says Gary Nickelson, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. In a poll of 1,600 of its members, the group says, respondents estimated that divorce cases in the six months through March were off 40% from normal levels.

It’s still unclear how the recession is affecting divorce rates overall, because of lags in government data. But courts in some major population centers say fewer people have been filing for divorce since the downturn began in late 2007. In New York County 9,349 couples filed for divorce in the first four months of 2009, off 14% from 10,848 in the same period in prerecessionary 2007, according to records from New York State Unified Court System.

In Los Angeles County, divorce filings in the first four months of this year dropped 3%, to 9,048, from the same period last year and are down 9% from the comparable span in 2007, according to records from the Los Angeles Superior Court.

A lull in divorce could be a silver lining in the recession, says Steve Grissom, president of Church Initiative, a Wake Forest, N.C., organization that runs DivorceCare, a national support group. Mr. Grissom says couples who postpone splits may be able to work through problems and reconcile.

Bonnie Hughes, a 51-year-old financial planner, says she developed stomach problems when the real-estate slump turned her marital split into “the divorce that never ends.”

She and her husband divorced in February 2007, but for financial reasons continued to live together in their house in Chattanooga, Tenn., until the following May. Ms. Hughes moved out, but the ordeal wasn’t over. They put the house up for sale, with each planning to use the proceeds to finance the next stages of their lives, Ms. Hughes says, but “it just wasn’t selling.”

They finally sold in August 2008, after dropping the price by $100,000 to $324,000, which was less than they had paid for the place four years earlier. She used her proceeds to move to Atlanta.

In Alabama, Ms. Brewster and her husband say they are avoiding complications by sticking together even as they plan to part.

The couple decided in March to split after 16 years of marriage. Ms. Brewster has hired a divorce lawyer and says she has been advised to have as little interaction as possible with her husband. Both say reconciliation isn’t in the cards.

But to afford two separate households, they either need to sell the house they bought four years ago — which they don’t want to do in a down market — or wait until Ms. Brewster has steady income.

In the meantime, Ms. Brewster lives on two floors of the house, residing with the couple’s two children, plus the family pets: a guinea pig, a squirrel, a dog, two rabbits, two gerbils, five cats and five lizards.

Her husband lives in the finished basement, formerly the family’s game room. “We had to take down the pool table so he’d have a place to sleep,” she says. He sleeps on an air mattress, and has his own entrance and a full bathroom, though his only cooking equipment is a microwave.

Each calls the other before entering their respective domains; they schedule use of the washer and dryer and negotiate evenings out, Ms. Brewster says.

“He still takes the garbage out and mows the lawn. Sometimes, I will call him and say, ‘I know you’re eating frozen dinners; I cooked extra, come up,’” Ms. Brewster says. “I try to take the high road in front of the kids. Goodness knows they’ve seen the bad side of marriage — the arguing.”

Both have resumed dating and have even given each other advice on how to get back into the singles world. Ms. Brewster took the photograph of her husband that he put on match.com, the online dating Web site. On some Saturday nights, she says, they hire a baby sitter so they can both go out, and they share their plans so they won’t run into each other.

Their living situation has scared away some potential suitors. “It freaks a lot of them out,” says Ms. Brewster. “I tell them upfront: Here’s my situation. Eventually I will move on, but I’m not going to do something to mess myself up financially.”  Article originally appeared in the Wall Street Journal.  The Wall Street Journal is the nation’s leading financial newspaper – subscribe today.  Continue reading the WSJ by clicking this link:  What God Has Joined Together, Recession Makes Hard to Put Asunder – WSJ.com.

The signing will take place in the Oval Office and follows sharp criticism of the president over a Justice Department motion filed last week in support of the Defense of Marriage Act — which opposes same-sex marriage — that used the government’s interest in opposing incestuous marriages to support its position against same-sex marriage.

Gay and lesbian advocates have also faulted the Obama administration for not moving to repeal the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that bars officials from asking about a service member’s sexual orientation but also bars the service member from revealing it.

The president rankled gay advocates before his inauguration when he named megachurch pastor the Rev. Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his swearing-in. Warren, in an interview with Belief.net, likened homosexuality to bestiality and incest. He also supported California’s Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriage in that state.

During the Warren controversy, Obama — who frequently spoke in favor of gay and lesbian rights during the campaign but has said he opposes same-sex marriage — declared himself “a fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans.”   Report filed by CNN.   For more news and information, click the link below for CNN.  CNN is the leading name in cable news.

via Obama to OK benefits for same-sex partners of federal workers – CNN.com.

Nearly one year later, gay rights issues have taken on a renewed prominence. Recent shifts in states from Iowa to New Hampshire have upped the tally to six states that now recognize same-sex marriage. Meanwhile, California’s high court recently upheld a voter-approved proposition blocking gay marriage. And on Monday, the Supreme Court denied a request to review the Pentagon’s ban on gays serving openly in the military.

Gay rights activists have noticed. Their patience has worn thin. Key leaders have privately expressed their frustration to top White House officials. Publicly, over the weekend, one gay rights activist proposed a march on Washington in October.

To the gay rights movement, the collage of issues is beginning to echo the crescendo of the civil rights movement in the mid 1960s. But, on social hot button issues, this is a cautious president. Obama is for now more similar to the slow-walk of John F. Kennedy than the bold action of Lyndon Johnson on civil rights, whose hand was in part forced by events like the march on Washington led by Martin Luther King Jr.

That Obama is the first black president adds one more deep and evocative layer to the decisions before him. By comparison, the choices Obama now faces are far less politically fraught than the battle Harry Truman or Johnson experienced.

The comparison between the push for progress on gay rights and the black civil rights movement remains contentious in American politics. But the Obamas’ straight line from the 1965 Selma to Montgomery march, a breakthrough moment in the civil rights struggle, to the Greenwich Village Stonewall Riots, which forty-years ago sparked the gay rights movement, only intensifies the moral dilemma before Obama.

American life has gradually accepted gay civil rights. But Americans distinguish between equal protection and equal cultural status for homosexuals, based on an extensive study of public opinion polling. That distinction is most visible in the public’s support for civil unions but not gay marriage.

Obama exemplifies that view. His promises to gay rights groups are focused on issues of equality of opportunity but not equal cultural recognition.

During the campaign, Obama pledged to revive stalled hate crimes legislation and push for the reversal of the prohibition against gays serving openly in the military, as well as overturning the Defense of Marriage Act. DOMA prohibited federal recognition of same-sex marriages and codified states’ rights to also deny gay unions legal in other states. About a half year into his presidency, none of those pledges have been fulfilled.

“The amount of stuff on the president’s plate is stacked higher than anyone could have imagined last fall,” said one lesbian and gay rights leader privy to White House strategy on gay rights issues. “But,” the leader added, “on the other hand, the landscape, like in Iowa and Maine, has shifted faster than anyone had expected. There is a lot of pressure to do what’s right–right now.”

Americans Shift on Gay Rights

A Gallup Poll last week underscored the change in Americans’ attitude on gay rights. Three of the voting blocs coolest on gay rights are conservatives, Republicans and weekly churchgoers. About six in 10 of all three blocs now back allowing gays and lesbians to openly serve in the military. That marks a more than double-digit shift against the “don’t ask, don’t tell” on the political right in the past five years.

In 1993, Bill Clinton backed “don’t ask, don’t tell” in a controversial compromise. Since the policy went into effect, about 13,000 men and women have been discharged from the armed forces–a trend that has continued under Obama’s watch.

No issue draws so clear a comparison to the dawn of the civil rights era than “don’t ask, don’t tell.” In 1948, Truman issued an executive order integrating the armed forces. That same year Gallup found that only 13 percent of Americans supported “having Negro and white troops throughout the U.S. armed services live and work together.”

That Obama has not acted on “don’t ask, don’t tell,” despite public support that Truman would have envied, spotlights the delicate political tightrope the president now walks.

Obama is consumed by an historic domestic agenda, ranging from stimulus legislation to health care reform. It’s no accident that he has withheld early engagement on the same issue that sidetracked Clinton’s first year.

But this is also not 1993. That year, one summer Gallup survey found that Americans were divided on the issue–48 percent supporting the policy and an equal share against. Today, about seven in 10 Americans are against “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Yet Obama clearly is not itching to enter the culture wars. He has, for example, said that fulfilling his campaign promise to eliminate hundreds of standing government restrictions on abortions was “not [his] highest legislative priority.”

This White House is also aware that many Democratic gains made in Congress in 2006 and 2008 were with culturally conservative constituencies.

But nationally, the momentum is there. In recent decades there has been a significant public shift on an array of gay rights issues, by Gallup’s tracking. As recently as 1987, 51 percent of Americans believed “school boards ought to have the right to fire teachers who are known homosexuals.” Only 28 percent agree today. Between 1978 and 2008, Americans support for gay equal rights rose from 56 to 89 percent.

Today, two-thirds of Americans believe hate crimes laws should protect homosexuals and that gay domestic partners deserve access to their partner’s employee benefits, like health insurance. More than seven in 10 Americans believe that gay domestic partners should have inheritance rights. A majority, 54 percent, support adoption rights for gay couples. As recently as 2004, public support for gay adoption was at 45 percent.

Cultural Acceptance and the M-word

Yet mainstream cultural acceptance for homosexuals remains another matter. Fifty-seven percent of Americans believe “homosexuality should be considered an acceptable alternative lifestyle,” merely a few percentage points higher than when the question was first asked in the early 1980s.

Only 35 percent of the public also believes a man or a woman is born gay, more than twice the portion who said the same in 1977. But that climb is hardly steep in the context of gays’ gains on civil rights issues.

That most Americans do not believe people are born gay is at the heart of the debate over whether the gay fight for equal rights is similar to hurdles faced by racial or religious minority groups. At the fore of this debate is gays fight for “marriage equality” and whether it’s an issue of rights or cultural recognition.

In recent years, a majority of the public has gradually come to support civil unions. But a majority of Americans, 57 percent in Gallup’s latest poll, remain opposed to terming those unions marriage.

Public opposition to gay marriage has held steady since Massachusetts became the first state to recognize same-sex wedlock five years ago. But stark fault lines do exist. Youth, Democrats and independents are far more likely to support gay wedlock than Republicans or seniors, for example.

In New England and across the East coast, where gay organizations have made the most progress, the Pew Research Center finds that a majority supports same-sex marriage.

And here to, on marriage, are echoes of the civil rights movement. As recently as 1983, Gallup found that half of Americans disapproved of marriage between blacks and whites. By 2007, only 15 percent disapproved.

But even this Democratic president has not, like the public overall, come to view the issue of gay marriage in the same terms as the push for unfettered wedlock between blacks and whites, which defines Obama’s own story.

For the time being, gay activists are earning concession prizes. Gay rights leader Kevin Jennings was assigned to a senior post in the Department of Education. Obama has also declared June gay pride month, to commemorate the Stonewall riots.

But in evoking Stonewall, Obama has again reached back to the civil rights battles that made his presidency possible. It’s an analogy, however, that begs another question. If the gay rights push is akin to the civil rights era, how far and how urgently is the first black president compelled to carry on the fight?  Article by David Paul Kuhn for RealClearPolitics.  For more news and information, click the link below.

Please add these those to this article.

Will Obama be Truman on Gay Rights? – Yahoo! News.

In the beginning of a relationship we do our best to give our partner the benefit of the doubt, expressing our love and goodwill, even when we’re upset. However, as time goes on, it can get harder to resolve arguments and, therefore, harder to feel loving and forgiving towards our partner. It’s at these times that we start to ask ourselves, is there a secret to making a relationship last? Is it really possible to live happily ever after?

The answer to these questions is, “Yes!” However, the hardest question to answer is: How do we do it? How do I have a lasting, happy relationship that doesn’t end in a painful breakup?

The first thing to remember is that keeping a partnership healthy and happy requires work and that it will not happen on its own — just like a flower won’t grow if it isn’t watered and fed. Relationships need nurturing, tending to, time, and energy! We often forget that a couple contains two human beings who both need to be appreciated, heard, valued, and respected.

With this in mind, here are seven ways to make your relationship last:

1. Keep the lines of communication open. If you don’t know how to express your feelings and/or have poor listening skills, learn to get better at both. You can read a book, take a class, or get into counseling. Good communication requires both the ability to express and listen.

2. Don’t sweep your fights under the rug and think they’ll magically resolve themselves. Do your best to resolve your first argument as soon as it arises so you won’t have the same argument for the next 50 years, in different forms.

3. Remember that you love your partner; therefore, you want the best for her/him. Give her/him the benefit of the doubt when you feel angry, hurt, or disappointed. Talk to your partner; don’t make assumptions.

4. Don’t take your partner for granted. Tell your partner every day something you appreciate about her/him and how grateful you are to have them in your life.

5. Your partner should never feel like your enemy. If they do, something is wrong; remember that you fell in love with this person. If there’s so much anger that you feel like you are enemies, get help somewhere as quickly as possible.

6. Gauge your relationship. Notice and don’t ignore the warning signs if you’re not talking, you’re less affectionate, you’re fighting all the time, and you’re not happy. The sooner you acknowledge you’re having problems, the sooner you can begin to solve them.

7. Always remember that you have the power to change behaviors in your relationship through different tools of self-discovery. You don’t have to stay stuck in unhealthy ruts.

Good, lasting relationships are made up of two conscious individuals who have the desire to work on themselves with the determination to stay focused on the importance of their relationship. They do not take their partner for granted. They have their partner’s best interest at heart and, therefore, build trust with their partner. When arguments come up, they don’t ignore them. They address the issues and try to resolve them. When they see warning signs that their relationship could be in trouble, they act immediately and look for new ways to relate to each other.

This can be accomplished by anyone who is willing to take the time and energy to make their relationship a priority in their life. Nurture your partnership as it so richly deserves! You can live happily ever after, not with magic, but with work, awareness, and knowledge of yourself and your partner. Article by Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T. for Hitched.  For more news and information, click the link below for Hitched and Yahoo! Personals.

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Dating Advice: 7 Powerful Ways to Keep Your Love Alive — Yahoo! Personals.

When adult kids fly away from home, some empty nesters find they’re having more fun

“At first simply driving past a soccer game would make me weepy,” says the 54-year-old mother of two from Philadelphia, who officially became an empty nester in August 2007. “But by December, I remember thinking, “I’ve adjusted.”

Suddenly she and her husband were going on impromptu dates and getting together with friends. And Shure, a family therapist, threw herself into editing a clinical treatment book — something she would never have time for if the girls were still home.

“I absolutely miss my kids,” she says, “but I’m enjoying a really full life now.”

Research is confirming what many mothers have been discovering — that “empty nest” syndrome isn’t so empty after all. These days, the classic description of lingering depression, apathy, and loss of identity (“Who am I if I’m not taking care of the kids?”) is no longer typical.

“Our mothers talked mainly about their pride and joy in watching their kids make this transition and the relief they felt in seeing the fruits of their labor realized,” says Christine M. Proulx, Ph.D., a University of Missouri professor whose 2008 study found that mothers took their children’s departure no harder than fathers. (According to another 2008 study out of Wheaton College, fathers were actually less emotionally prepared.)

One reason for the shift is the growing number of women with fulfilling careers; another is the advance of communication technology like cell phones, PDAs, and computers.

“When I went to college, I had to schedule one day a week when I could call home from the dorm phone,” Shure says. “Today I chat away on Skype with my oldest in Madrid as if she were sitting next to me.”

But the empty nest isn’t just survivable — it can even be beneficial. When Sara Gorchoff, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher at UC Berkeley, and colleagues tracked marital changes in 123 women from their 40s to their early 60s, they found that empty nesters reported greater satisfaction with their partners than did mothers with children at home.

“It wasn’t simply having more time for each other that made the difference,” Gorchoff says. “It’s what they did with their time that counted.”

A fall Sunday with the kids can now become a chance to go hiking together; raucous family meals turn into intimate dinners for two. And sex can regain some of the old abandon of the pre-children days.

Of course, the passage to a childless household is not a happy time for everyone: It can be particularly tough on some single mothers who, overnight, find themselves completely alone, and for those in fragile marriages that have been held together mainly by the glue of raising a family.

And there are mothers (about 10 percent) for whom empty nest syndrome does become a long-term issue, according to a survey of about 1,000 women by Carin Rubenstein, Ph.D., author of “Beyond the Mommy Years: How to Live Happily Ever After…After the Kids Leave Home.”

“But these women are likely already prone to depression, and the change tips them over.”

For most mothers, says Rubenstein, this next stage of life is one to look forward to, especially if you start planning before it arrives.

“Join an art class, volunteer in your community, look into continuing-ed classes, renew friendships. Engage in other roles and ways of living, and you’ll discover the confidence and rich well-being that can blossom with this freedom.”

From O, The Oprah Magazine, June 2009.  Written by Naomi Barr.  For more news and information, click the link below.  Read O, The Oprah Magazine and watch CNN the leading name in cable news.

Sex and other perks of empty nesting – CNN.com.